Dateline: Lapel, Indiana

The headquarters of the Lapel Pin ‘08 campaign wishes to squash any rumors that American Flag Lapel Pin is going to jump his party’s ship and join the Libertarian Party to receive that party’s nomination. American Flag Lapel Pin issued the following statement:

I respect the work that the Libertarian Party does, but frankly I don’t find room in that party for me. The candidates for their nomination are varied and … interesting enough on their own. While I do support the spirituality of John Denver, fruitless bids for minor office and people who think they are descended from Nero I do not believe that the Libertarian Party is right for me

American Flag Lapel Pin also mentioned not wanting to get caught in a melee on the floor of the convention such as the one that happened in Atlanta in 2004.

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Dateline Lapel, Indiana

American Flag Lapel Pin released this statement today praising Senator Obama for finally being patriotic and wearing an American flag lapel pin.

I just want to congratulate Senator Obama for finally loving America and our flag, but I first need to dispel some rumors. I am not campaigning with Senator Obama in West Virginia. The lapel pin worn by him is only a distant relation of mine and I have not spoken to him in years. But I am glad that the Senator from Illinois finally recognizes the importance of a lapel pin in proving how patriotic an American one is.

I hope Senator Obama will support the Lapel Pin Administration come 2009

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May 7, 2008: Lapel, IN

Today, American Flag Lapel Pin declared victory in Indiana with the following statement:

I hear all this talk of delegates and popular vote and electability. These are all secondary issues. The metric that matters is that I, American Flag Lapel Pin, have won Indiana and am now vroooming to the White House. Get it, Indiana? It’s May! The Indianapolis 500! VROOOOOMMMMM!

Some may ask how I can declare victory in the Hoosier State. But if you look at the truly important votes, those of people born under a full moon with an even number of letters in their name but live on an odd numbered street, a victory for freedom, a victory for Lapel Pin, is obvious.

I look forward to moving on to West Virginia and using my own brand of freedom you can count on to woo the voters in that state. I will fight this campaign to the very end. There are some that say it is mathematically impossible for me to win at this point, but I dismiss the so called “experts” who can “add” as elitists who don’t understand what can happen when real Americans get behind the most patriotic candidate this country has ever seen.

Thank you for your support, and God Bless America!
American Flag Lapel Pin
Freedom You Can Count On

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Dateline Lapel, Indiana

Today American Flag Lapel Pin announced that, unlike GOP 2nd Congressional Candidate Tony Zirkle, he will not give campaign speeches to Illinois Nazis.

I am very disappointed that a member of the most patriotic America loving party in the world would campaign with Illinois Nazis. I hate Illinois Nazis.  Mr. Zirkle should know better than to speak before audiences that hang portraits of failed Austrian painters behind the podium rather than American flags. It’s not even clear if Mr. Zirkle is wearing an American flag lapel pin!!

Lapelpin08.com attempted to contact Mr. Zirkle to find out if he was wearing a lapel pin, or barring that, how he orders his philly cheesesteaks.

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Dateline Lapel, Indiana

On the heels of Senator Hillary Clinton’s foreign policy remarks regarding Iran, American Flag Lapel Pin also clarifies his stance on nations without nuclear weapons launching unprovoked nuclear attacks.

I want the Zimbabweans to know that if I’m the president, we will attack Zimbabwe,” American Flag Lapel Pin told lapelpin08.com when asked what he would do as president were Zimbabwe to launch a nuclear attack on The Republic of Mauritius. “In the next 10 years, during which they might foolishly consider launching an attack on The Republic of Mauritius, we would be able to totally obliterate them.”

Foreign Policy Adviser Phaedrus commented that in the case of such an attack “those fuckers are gonna pay.”

Only American Flag Lapel Pin can keep your families safe from the growing threat of a nuclear armed Zimbabwe. Who do you want to answer the call at 5:03am?

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Dateline Lapel, Indiana

The American Flag Lapel Pin campaign has released the following statement about Senator Obama’s refusal to answer a question because he was too busy eating his waffle.

American Flag Lapel Pin is distressed to learn that Senator Obama finds a waffle, a Belgian waffle, more important than answering the question of a reporter. American Flag Lapel Pin vows to answer any question at any time from the press, even if American Flag Lapel Pin is enjoying a hearty plate of freedom fries or a philly cheesesteak whiz wit. American Flag Lapel Pin not only understands the supreme importance of the press in all matters, but understands that food is a symbolic and highly important issue when choosing a President.

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American Flag Lapel Pin needs your help! The campaign needs to decide on a secondary slogan for bumper stickers, buttons and more. Say which one you like best or leave your suggestions in the comments.

• Stick With Lapel Pin ‘08
• Lapel Pin ‘08: The Sharpest Tack In The Bunch
• Lapel Pin ‘08: Patriotism With A Strong Backing
• Pin Your Hopes On Lapel Pin ‘08
• Win With Pin

Suggestions are welcome. The American Flag Lapel Pin campaign is about the people - the AMERICAN people. The people who love this country. The people who put American flag decals on their cars, wear American flag hats, boxers and t-shirts.  The REAL Americans.

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Dateline Lapel, Indiana:

Presidential candidate American Flag Lapel Pin called on GOP Nominee John McCain to answer questions about his patriotism. “It has been noticed lately that there are times when Senator McCain neglects to wear an American flag lapel pin. In a time of economic crisis and terror from abroad, Senator McCain should know better than to let the terrorists question his patriotism and commitment to his country by neglecting to wear such a simple yet power accoutrement as the American Flag Lapel Pin.”

The American Flag Lapel Pin campaign released a set of photographs chronicling Senator McCain’s lack of sufficient patriotism.

American Flag Lapel Pin thanks Rick at South Florida Daily Blog for his tireless work.

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American Flag Lapel Pin takes this candidacy very seriously, and knows that we need a Vice-Presidential candidate that is just as patriotic as Lapel Pin. The decision has not yet been made, but the Lapel Pin ‘08 campaign has narrowed down the list to some finalists. Leave a comment about who YOU think should be the Vice-President to American Flag Lapel Pin’s President.

Vice-Presidential Finalists:

• Support Our Troops Yellow Ribbon
  
  Patriotic, Ubiquitous, Loves the troops
• Apollo Creed
  
  Obviously loves America, hates communists.
• A Bald Eagle
  
  The symbol of America
• An Apple Pie
  
  Second only to Mom and another VP candidate, A Baseball
• A Baseball
  
  The American passtime.
• Jessica Simpson
  
  Blonde, white, could get the female vote
• Stephen Colbert
  
  The frontrunner

Who do you think American Flag Lapel Pin should pick as VP? Leave your vote or other suggestions in the comments!

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Hello there, patriotic Americans! I am American Flag Lapel Pin, and I am announcing my candidacy for President of the United States Of America! it has become increasingly clear to me that Americans crave a president who not only loves his or her country, but proudly represents their patriotism with a lapel pin of an American flag. What better patriotic candidate than a lapel pin itself?

We’re still putting our website together, but I look forward to your support.

Sincerely,
American Flag Lapel Pin
Patriotism You Can Count On

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